Wednesday, June 10, 2015

SLUTTY BRUNCH


 Listen up children! Go get your girdle, prepare your push up bra AND GET READY FOR......



It's the groundbreaking trend that's sweeping the nation (it could be sweeping a nation somewhere, possibly Uzbekistan, we can't be sure). Slutty brunch was conceived in a moment of vain desperation. My friend had an outfit that she knew she looked phenomenal in but (alas) twas too classy for a trashy night and a too trashy for a classy night. 

"Maybe you could wear it to brunch. Except it would have to be, you know.... a slutty brunch." 


BAM! Slutty Brunch was born. I will now present a short poem I wrote in honour of this revelation. 


Now, it doesn't have to be an overtly sexual outfit. The point is that the outfit should be "inappropriate". Whatever that means to you.


Cause I'm bluffin with my muffin somethin somethin


Perhaps the cut on that shirt is too low...SLUTTY BRUNCH.
Perhaps the print on that jacket is too loud... SLUTTY BRUNCH.
Perhaps you think bindis are awesome but you're not even a little bit Indian and don't want to wear one in public for fear that you might offend and do that cultural appropriation thing and yada yada yada... SLUTTY BRUNCH!


So go forth my pretties! Let there be muffins and muffin tops, pastries and pasties. After all, how often do you get to play the provocateur before noon? And surrounded by delicious baked goods no less. 

To wrap up, here are some photos of delicious baked goods. 








8 comments:

  1. That was really helpful

    I gtg eat something

    You made me hungry ;)

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  2. Thanks for the food porn, hungry af now

    Nice poem btw :)

    mimi | http://bookfanaticss.blogspot.co.nz/

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  3. OMG! I love this! t did wonders for my enrgy quotient :D
    Please keep dping more of this (Y)

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  4. I love your blog! I'm new to blogging so i wondering if you could check mine out http://sophslifeblog.blogspot.com.au
    (btw i didn't just say i love your blog so i could get you to check out mine i actually love it your so funny and amazing) x

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    1. awe thanks so much! sure I will :)

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  5. So glad you gave me your blog to check out! Fucking hilarious and enviably genius, I think we may be brain buddies in the humour department, slutty brunch sounds like all my dreams of paradise right now. Also domesticated adulthood does have its perks, but I could use a shady apt surrounded by interesting characters from time to time. You never attain a high enough social standing to out run the smell of fart! ;) cheers

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    1. Haha thanks so much for giving my blog a read. Please do follow if you like it. I'd really appreciate it :) I'm not planning on outrunning them I'm just hoping the farts will eventually start smelling classier. Cheers!

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